We’ve been asked by the highest authorities in Christendom to reenact some of the more common everyday garden variety sutras, sprinkled with a few saucy outliers, from the Good Book, in accordance with the laws of our ancestors as has been laid under the seals of Good God Almighty, Jesus H. Christ, and the Ghost in the Machine, whose feast day is coming up June 12.
Let’s see what our next contestant has to offer. Don’t be surprised if it’s someone you used to know.
Our first question. If your pants are bulging and your mind’s in the netherlands, where are you at? A clue: It’s not in a continent.
If you answer this correctly, you’ll get the chair. In the big house. The chair of divinity. At Saint Mary’s school for wayward children, comedians missing from the funny farm – one held the bottle between his legs as he reached for a scrap of chocolate – side-show rejects, and tools of the capitalistic state.
I owe to the Honourable Roger North a gloss on sabinically — that it was a Northism meaning conceitedly, after the proverb of Festus, that “the Sabines dream what they will.”
This spurred my search for Festus Shakesword, the person who had to dream what he will, and was then held in the grip of death by the hero who sowed the seeds that undermined the Sabines.
As for Festus, his comment on the proverb “Sabuni quod volunt somnians” was badly mutilated by Gnaeus Gellius in fragment number seven.
Got reamed out at batting practice. Shit a turkey while basted on balls.
Them’s the breaks. Religion is big business. It’s all in your bible, just cross yourself and ask google, while you lose your shirt in the wind. Religion is spiritual, you god damn better well believe it. So be careful what you ask.
It was a very intensive meeting and they paid plenty for it. Most ended up in intensive care. Some of their brains are in jars in the cellar. The entrails of those who had guts were exposed on the mountains. The behinds of those who were behind have been hidden from view.
The Siren is the ship upon which Calhoon sailed when he discovered Keefers Rey, or Quay as the name degenerated. He was searching in the name of King Nimrod for the lost ships of Elvis, heading three points off Bermuda, when a storm blew him to Keefer.
It smells like someone just did a big load of laundry. Down at the stockyards, next to the pulp plant. Like Yogi Berra’s been eating beans. But I’ve been fooled before. When the fruit man had a finger on the scale. When the stories of the supreme being didn’t bear scrutiny. When patriotism was a play. When the time came to unearth my mother’s breasts. And to play ball like my father. Hollowed be thy name among men.
The boys wanted me to have a talk with you. Here’s the low down. You’re in the red for:
- Half a jug of cashews
- A vague memory of hearing Marilyn vos Idiot-Savant hitting a high G natural when accosted by the woolly marmot.
- Two bits on the dollar.
- Time for a break.
- Space for rent and the light at the end of the tunnel.
The fleet had scarce left the land when they were attacked by the barbarians. At once most of the Greeks began to back water, and were about touching the shore, when Ameinias of Pallene, one of the Athenian captains, darted forth in front of the line, and charged a ship of the enemy. The two vessels became entangled, and could not separate, whereupon the rest of the fleet came up to help Ameinias, and engaged with the Persians. Such is the account which the Athenians give of the way in which the battle began; but the Eginetans maintain that the vessel which had been to Egina for the Aeacidae, was the one that brought on the fight. It is also reported, that a phantom in the form of a woman appeared to the Greeks, and, in a voice that was heard from end to end of the fleet, cheered them on to the fight; first, however, rebuking them, and saying – “Strange men, how long are ye going to back water?”
They laid astore grand foison of Tramlub curve grease, from Fuchs Langley.
Capturing lions was once a difficult task, chiefly effected by means of pitfalls (Caesar squandered his seed in the circus). Yet though of such a nature and of such ferocity this animal is frightened by wheels turning round and by empty chariots, and even more by the crested combs and the crowing of cocks, but most of all by fires.