Category Archives: Bone Moats

Jenny Greenteeth

  A female supernatural being who lurks beneath the surface of weed-covered ponds and ditches, waiting to pull in and drown those who venture into or near the water.

1872   C. Hardwick Trad., Superstitions, & Folk-lore xiv. 279   I firmly believed that, if I disobeyed this instruction, a certain water ‘boggart’ named ‘Jenny Greenteeth’ would drag me beneath her verdant screen and subject me to other tortures besides death by drowning.

1931   A. Uttley Country Child iv. 47   She was warned against going near the pretty mill pond..for Jinny Green-teeth lived there, just under the bright green scum.

1980   D. Wakeham in Folklore (1983) 94 248   Ginny Greenteeth..enticed little children into the ponds by making them look like grass and safe to walk on.

   2. Any of various free-floating aquatic plants or algae which grow in ponds and stagnant water, forming colonies that cover the surface of the water, esp. the common duckweed, Lemna minor.

1904   Notes & Queries 7 May 365/2   At this day in all East Lancashire the older inhabitants call the green moss which covers the surface of stagnant ponds ‘Jenny Greenteeth’.

1970   T. Whittle Plant Hunters 257   Duckweed..is less rich in equivalents than most English natives, but it still has ten, among them boggart creed, jenny green-teeth, duck’s meat and toad spit.

A penny dreadfull for your thoughts

A penny dreadfulfor your thoughts. What a dreadful saying, said R after several moments. No more dreadful than your demeanor, said M. I affect not styles, said R, to which M responded, Your detested styles make work for seamstresses and tailors. Busy hands and idle minds, and slipshod to boot, R said, singing their hymns to the least common man, hymn 1024, A mot in one’s ASCII. M: Shh, I’m getting it tuned in. She fiddled with the knobs while ROM burned in a day. Squelch, static, hiss… the Firesign Theatre… zzzz za zz… Feenitches Playhouse… Payroll Jelly… Victoria Stanley — here it is! — hurry please, its time.

I feel like the caved in man with his image club and CPAWS AWACS, blundering down the tunnel of glub, R said as he pulled the rabbit ears out of his hat.

What, lost your transmittance, you knotty pittance, then you shall have no pie are squared, and your generators shall pine till yea on that day when the Bignum and Bailout circuits come on line.

Passport irregularities

A local cab driver, arrested after some white powder was found in his baggage as he returned from an overseas flight, will remain in jail for at least another week. Ayman Abed Raboh, who was mistakenly arrested along with three men in Fort McMurray suspected of having terrorist connections, says his life has been ruined. The Taliban is proving to be a surprisingly tough force, the Pentagon said Wednesday. “We can thank God that they don’t have aircraft, heavy armor, or shoes.”  U.S. jets logged deadliest-known attack on group linked to suspect bin Laden, killing 22 innocent people.

Of Peas and Ham cum Commento

Of Peas and Bacon cum Commento

Mr. Hamstead, in the 8th Volume of his useful Collections, tells us, the vessels were very good made at Fulham, but all flat, the Difficulty in making a hollow Dish was thought insuperable, because it must be burnt to that Degree, that the Heat of the Fire made the Sides fall: But this ingenious Christian surmounted the Difficulty, and hath many Years ago actually made several very delicate Pots of English Materials.

In the glaze were wrought A Skeleton in Metal; it is well done, but only to the short Ribs. Venus and Cupid in Wax-work. A Sort of Bachus, or Antick, pouring out Liquor, with a Bull’s Head betwixt his Thighs, or perhaps a Rams, relating to some Local Custom, like that of a Flitch of Bacon at Dunmoe in Essex: It is of Wood, and hath in old Characters Belly merry In a different script. The History of Joseph of Arimathea’s entombing our Saviour, whose emaciated Corps is very well represented in the Winding-sheet.

The Bloody Tower

Sgt. Preston and Anne of Green Gables

Battling their way out of Lord Flogg’s fog in the Londinium Tower, Batman and Alfred, in a cab, and Robin in the Batmobile, head for Ffogg’s estate to rescue Batgirl. Ffogg and Lady Peasoup, discovering their lethal fog pellets are too stale to finish off Batgirl, go for a fresh supply and learn that Batman has entered the grounds. At the dungeon, Ffogg pushes Batman down the steps and throws the fresh gas pellets after him. Robin, meanwhile, has been bitten by a deadly bee, and Lady Peasoup instructs Prudence to take him to the girl’s dorm to die while they all go to the Tower of Londinium. Dispersing the lethal fog with Anti-Lethal Fog Batspray, Batman files away at Batgirl’s chains, and Ffogg, realizing he’s pressed for time, makes final plans for escape to Argentuela in a private plane.

What to Say When Someone Farts

Michael Gilleland
Laudator Temporis Acti

Aeschylus, Prometheus Bound 115 (tr. Alan H. Sommerstein):
What sound, what scent has been wafted to me, unseen,
from gods, from mortals, or from both together?

Ennius, Annals 451 Skutsch (tr. E.H. Warmington):
And the trumpet in terrible tones taratantara blared.

Titinius, fragment 20 Ribbeck:
Meanwhile a stinking breeze assaults the nose.

Vergil, Aeneid 3.228:
An awful sound amid foul stench.

Dante, Inferno 21.139 (tr. John D. Sinclair):
And he made a trumpet of his rear.

William Shakespeare, King John 5.2.117:
What lusty trumpet thus doth summon us?

John Milton, Paradise Lost 1.236-237
A singéd bottom all involved
With stench and smoke.

Percy Bysshe Shelley, “Orpheus,” lines 35-37:
What wondrous sound is that, mournful and faint,
But more melodious than the murmuring wind
Which through the columns of a temple glides?

Man’s favorite spurt

Madame Mac Méod (future Mata Hari) éxécutant des danses brahmaniques dans la bibliothèque du Musée Guimet de Paris *13-3-1905

This is the behind-the-scenes account of the deeds of one Harvie Winestein, late of Hollywood, one among the many who shall be renamed maneless, though that thought trigger the hairs in your fundament. 

Man’s favorite sport, according to valedictorians, is knocking up the better half. Legend has it that Winestein proved this to the nth degree. But legends have a half life.  We now know less than we used to, and are forced to invoke fuzzy logic and high-school chemistry.

Setting out in the tub of our redemption to do the autobiography of this Harvie, also known as Shaggy Dog, and the Creature of the Black Habit, we met with a headwind to choke a horse. The best we could muster was to cover our asses as the ice closed in. 

When Harvie was casting for Been Her, he let out so much line that his leader got entangled, and the backup tripped on their shoelaces.