All posts by Xenomanes

The Way of a Man with a Maid

Beware of amateur hypnotism

The words of Agur the son of Jakeh, the oracle. The man saith unto Ithiel, unto Ithiel and Ucal:

There are three things which are too wonderful for me, 
Yea, four which I know not:
The way of an eagle in the air.
The way of a serpent upon a rock.
The way of a ship in the midst of the sea.
And the way of a man with a maiden.
So saith Solomon, and he had more wives than one.

The anonymous Way of a Man with a Maid ] was published around 1908. The story is told in the first person by a gentleman called “Jack”, who lures women he knows into a kind of erotic torture chamber in his house, and takes considerable pride in meticulously planned assaults which he describes in minute detail.

Most of the story takes place in a room in a house called “The Snuggery”, which Jack converts into a kind of erotic torture chamber equipped with beds to which women can be strapped and held helpless and which is soundproofed to make their screams unheard. .

566 A.D.

At this time it fell out that a brazenlockt damsel grieved (sobralasolas!) because that Puppette her minion was ravisht of her by the ogre Puropeus Pious. Bloody wars in Ballyaughacleeaghbally. 

It must be remembered that a girl, Biddy O’Brien, caused the war at Finnegan’s wake. Pious was faithful to religious duties and observances; devout and dutiful, safe, reliable and courteous.

Rain-water Pipes

On attic roofs, and where only one side of the house can be used for the attachment of rain-water pipes, the water from one side is brought across the roof by means of a “box” gutter of wood, lined at the bottom and sides with lead or zinc, and covered with a board. This often emits a very foul smell, owing to the accumulation of decaying matter. When such guttering cannot be avoided, it should occasionally—say once a week—be carefully cleaned out. The same matters will sometimes silt up and stop the gullies, shown at the foot of the rain-water pipes, hence it is equally necessary to see that these traps are cleaned out, say monthly. 

The wedding ceremony

The wedding ceremony was conducted according to the strictly unwritten rituals of the two parties aforesaid, the Maori and the Minori. The ceremony occurred during the reign of the Elder Edda as the  Younger Dryas scattered the seed.

There was some johnny come lately on the spot dirty laundry doubletalk between the Freisians and the Mossilmins. This cannot be credited, nor the tale told by the surfers in Kingdom Come.

Jenny Greenteeth

  A female supernatural being who lurks beneath the surface of weed-covered ponds and ditches, waiting to pull in and drown those who venture into or near the water.

1872   C. Hardwick Trad., Superstitions, & Folk-lore xiv. 279   I firmly believed that, if I disobeyed this instruction, a certain water ‘boggart’ named ‘Jenny Greenteeth’ would drag me beneath her verdant screen and subject me to other tortures besides death by drowning.

1931   A. Uttley Country Child iv. 47   She was warned against going near the pretty mill pond..for Jinny Green-teeth lived there, just under the bright green scum.

1980   D. Wakeham in Folklore (1983) 94 248   Ginny Greenteeth..enticed little children into the ponds by making them look like grass and safe to walk on.

   2. Any of various free-floating aquatic plants or algae which grow in ponds and stagnant water, forming colonies that cover the surface of the water, esp. the common duckweed, Lemna minor.

1904   Notes & Queries 7 May 365/2   At this day in all East Lancashire the older inhabitants call the green moss which covers the surface of stagnant ponds ‘Jenny Greenteeth’.

1970   T. Whittle Plant Hunters 257   Duckweed..is less rich in equivalents than most English natives, but it still has ten, among them boggart creed, jenny green-teeth, duck’s meat and toad spit.

A penny dreadfull for your thoughts

A penny dreadfulfor your thoughts. What a dreadful saying, said R after several moments. No more dreadful than your demeanor, said M. I affect not styles, said R, to which M responded, Your detested styles make work for seamstresses and tailors. Busy hands and idle minds, and slipshod to boot, R said, singing their hymns to the least common man, hymn 1024, A mot in one’s ASCII. M: Shh, I’m getting it tuned in. She fiddled with the knobs while ROM burned in a day. Squelch, static, hiss… the Firesign Theatre… zzzz za zz… Feenitches Playhouse… Payroll Jelly… Victoria Stanley — here it is! — hurry please, its time.

I feel like the caved in man with his image club and CPAWS AWACS, blundering down the tunnel of glub, R said as he pulled the rabbit ears out of his hat.

What, lost your transmittance, you knotty pittance, then you shall have no pie are squared, and your generators shall pine till yea on that day when the Bignum and Bailout circuits come on line.

Passport irregularities

A local cab driver, arrested after some white powder was found in his baggage as he returned from an overseas flight, will remain in jail for at least another week. Ayman Abed Raboh, who was mistakenly arrested along with three men in Fort McMurray suspected of having terrorist connections, says his life has been ruined. The Taliban is proving to be a surprisingly tough force, the Pentagon said Wednesday. “We can thank God that they don’t have aircraft, heavy armor, or shoes.”  U.S. jets logged deadliest-known attack on group linked to suspect bin Laden, killing 22 innocent people.