The razer’s edge

A man went over the mountains to look for himself. On the other side of the mountain, he mated with a woman looking over a cliff.

Groundhog Day is known to have its roots in the behavior of badgers in Germany. In some German-speaking areas, however, the foxes or bears were seen as the weather prognosticators. When the behavior of the bear was considered, the belief was that the bear would come out of his lair to check whether he could see “over the mountain.” If the weather was clear, the bear would put an end to hibernation and demolish his lair. If it rained or snowed, however, the bear would return to his lair for six more weeks.

Green grow the russians, o

I’ll sing you twelve.

Twelve for a dozen cosmonauts
Of whom eleven went to heaven.

Ten for ten Comanches
Nine hung with a noose with thirteen twists.

Eight for April’s foolish
Blessed by the brothers and sisters of fate.

Seven for the six brownshirts
And their high-five symbols at your door.

Four for the bakers of Jesus,
and the quakers of the compass rose.

One, two, three, the rivals.
Do not cross the great water.

Two lily-white boys clothed in green.

DOS bedoyna.

First time on the set

We’ve all been there. Man’s favorite splurt. We’ll blurt out your words as soon as you speak ’em. Once poked, twice blinded.

A brace of birds makes a fine kettle of fish. Cover the ears of the little ones with cotton batting. Plug their noses with mint julep. Stop up their behinds with tar and feathers. If they so much as open their gills give them a good licking.

Purloined fragments

Come, and trip it as ye go,
On the light fantastic toe;
And in thy right hand lead with thee
The mountain Nymph, sweet Liberty.

Come live with me and be my love,
And we will all the pleasures prove,
That Valleys, groves, hills, and fields,
Woods, or steepy mountain yields.

Oh as I was young and easy in the mercy of his means,
Time held me green and dying
Though I sang in my chains like the sea.

The handyman and the willed woman

They were bred in the pasture of the future. They were buttered up to no end. They took no thought for the morrow for sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

When their story first came to light all was darkness upon the land, and slimy creatures swam in the waters, the sky blue waters.

Pretty soon some of them grew balls. And vise-versa, capiche mon ami? Was this article helpful?

Holiday in Ceylon

We’ve been asked by the highest authorities in Christendom to reenact some of the more common everyday garden variety sutras, sprinkled with a few saucy outliers, from the Good Book, in accordance with the laws of our ancestors as has been laid under the seals of Good God Almighty, Jesus H. Christ, and the Ghost in the Machine, whose feast day is coming up June 12.

Let’s see what our next contestant has to offer. Don’t be surprised if it’s someone you used to know.

Our first question. If your pants are bulging and your mind’s in the netherlands, where are you at? A clue: It’s not in a continent.

If you answer this correctly, you’ll get the chair. In the big house. The chair of divinity. At Saint Mary’s school for wayward children, comedians missing from the funny farm – one held the bottle between his legs as he reached for a scrap of chocolate – side-show rejects, and tools of the capitalistic state.

The Sabines dream what they will

I owe to the Honourable Roger North a gloss on sabinically — that it was a Northism meaning conceitedly, after the proverb of Festus, that “the Sabines dream what they will.”

This spurred my search for Festus Shakesword, the person who had to dream what he will, and was then held in the grip of death by the hero who sowed the seeds that undermined the Sabines.

As for Festus, his comment on the proverb “Sabuni quod volunt somnians” was badly mutilated by Gnaeus Gellius in fragment number seven.

Pleasant conundrums

Madame Mac Méod (future Mata Hari) éxécutant des danses brahmaniques dans la bibliothèque du Musée Guimet de Paris

Using the advanced editing suite he was able to add a dash of peasant to his mix, and to tone back the cosmopolitan. The proceeds from his cut of the robot dream sequence in Sex Kittens go to College allowed him to replace his spleen with a dog’s breakfast. He was field stripping a spec 4 with x-ray eyes when she was sent on a sea cruise with her spiritual advisor.

Please confirm that you have consented to this operation and that in the case of a less-than-favorable outcome you donate
your gizzard to the butcher
your needs to the baker
your charming ways to the candlestick maker

He was hoping to make the next pay grade at the sewage treatment plant, the only industry still showing year-to-year growth. She, as a reward for her performance selling perfume in junior achievement, swallowed a fly.

You know the story of the farmer who stumped the philosopher with a simple question, “What brings you out on a night like this?” But did you see the poet spin on a fantastic toe and flee the gathering with his tale between his legs?