Back Water

The fleet had scarce left the land when they were attacked by the barbarians. At once most of the Greeks began to back water, and were about touching the shore, when Ameinias of Pallene, one of the Athenian captains, darted forth in front of the line, and charged a ship of the enemy. The two vessels became entangled, and could not separate, whereupon the rest of the fleet came up to help Ameinias, and engaged with the Persians. Such is the account which the Athenians give of the way in which the battle began; but the Eginetans maintain that the vessel which had been to Egina for the Aeacidae, was the one that brought on the fight. It is also reported, that a phantom in the form of a woman appeared to the Greeks, and, in a voice that was heard from end to end of the fleet, cheered them on to the fight; first, however, rebuking them, and saying – “Strange men, how long are ye going to back water?”

 

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Hans Brinkner going on his sabbatical to study up for the priesthood. He hoped to get his hands on some of those nuns in all their budding beatitudes. “I’ll dictate the sermon on the mount, ex post facto,” he said in gest.

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I missed my sailing and had the wind knocked out of me. I missed my calling and lost all my cattle. I missed my departure but I’ll catch it on the reruns. I missed my water, I had something on the brain. I missed my class, but came in the middle. My second cousin once removed never reappeared.

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Cures pain in few moments. Dr. Smith’s Electric Oil gives almost instant relief in all nervous diseases. Acute rheumatic pains need only a few applications. Dr. Smith may be consulted at the Smithsonian House, and at 91 Hudson Street. Try it. Say you read it in Stephen H. Branch’s Alligator.

He was working on a draft of a history of wind when he got caught in a tornado.

While he was whirling in the twister, he ruminated revising his Language of Cows. A summary of arithmetic came into his head, with an appendix on problems of the bowel.

He claimed to be a cut above the norm but was accused of hitting below the belt. They sweared it on a stack of bibles. It was in all the newspapers, save for the ones he owned.

When he died, his last will and testament provided a handsome bequest to the policemen’s widows’ fund if they could persuade their late husbands to wipe his hard drives, save for the copies in the cloud.

The last thing I heard that poor boy say, “Give me a cool drink of water before I die.”

Will you be my second? Don’t you love it when I speak in riddles? If you like this site, you might enjoy the site of my kissing cousin once removed, two doors down. Please send your prayers via paypal for her and her ailing cat.

She was always a staunch supporter of the traditional view, even though she wasn’t quite sure what that meant. It seemed to come more from the barbarian side of her ancestry, than from the Holy Roman side, although she thought the legions might be said to be staunch, what with their support of Julius Caesar.

But wasn’t John of Staunch one of the knights of the round table? Who when the time came around for his turn to set off in search of the holy grail, was never heard of again? That is the man.

And can’t you, in a matter of life and death, staunch a wound? Riddle number three.

They sent his children to the mountains with only the sweat of their brow. They struck down his wife with a pillar of fire as she switched on the television.

They put a price on his head and collected tax on his thumbnails. Whoever crossed his path had to say five Hail Marys and one Our Father. You will recall: Hail Mary, full of grace, and our father, tis of thee.

After he crossed the Delaware he was shot through the head in Ford’s Theatre. That’s neither here nor there.

After these preliminary preparations they replaced his cerebrospinal fluid with formaldehyde, until the tankers ran dry.

They castrated his balls with a flick of the switch and hung in their place two patio lanterns. Where his dick had been they planted a cucumber who pined to be a real pickle.

As in the old days, both his feets were made of clay, and they used his spare rib for sauce. This was written up in the England Journal of Medicine under the category of mills, satanic.

About what to do with his grey matter, they couldn’t reach a consensus. So it was left to the collapse of its quantum state.

All the twitter is about all the rash of reports of random number generators crashing — in at least one case setting a woman’s hair on fire during her passage through border security. She was positively identified by a tooth found in the ashes. A spokesperson for Homeland Incorporated says that the incident is under investigation, but that, knock on wood, no government personnel were harmed during the filming.

Could it happen to you? And when it does, will you be ready?

Here’s the low down on upping your chances of living out this bug:

  • Jump-start the diesel generator in accordance with the least square law.
  • Top up all superfluids in the rear end of the cosmic ray scintillator.
  • Throw salt over your shoulder when you sneeze at the table.